Friday, July 01, 2005
Life goes on, isn’t it? Silently sat here watching the clouds moving in the beautifully painted sky. I know it’s not the end of the world but what holding me back? It’s him. God, I’m thankful that u took away all my tears last night and told me not to cry, stay strong. I heard you and I’m with you. Please give me the strength to at least put a strong front in front of my friends so that they will no longer worry that I have them with me. I glad you allow me to have friends, so dear to me now and always. You made me learn that in life, there are things more important than love. It’s friendship. Friends will always be there for you, no matter what happen. I heard you telling me that I will be fine because I’m a strong girl. I might not be perfect but at least I know I’m perfect in your eyes. Had thoughts of joining you in heaven right now but I still have things unfulfilled that I still can’t leave this place. If you want me to be there god, I will be there. I have so much missing of him, only him. Only I know that at least I am not alone. Not alone. I don’t know how to convey the many feels in my heart. Is it my fault god? If it is, please forgive me. Independent, I need to learn. Also, cherishing the people around me whom are so dear to my heart. I already lost one too dear to my heart. Losing anymore, I can’t afford. The I in my heart am just so lost and staying strong that I can’t cry any more. Someone told me that eyes aren’t meant for crying. They aren’t but why still we cry to empty our sorrows? Maybe that we will feel so much better? For such, it’s not something I need to care about anymore.
Every phone ring, the tingle of hope that it will be from him. Every message alert, the tingle of hope that it will still be from him. I day-dreamt that everything is still going fine, no screaming, crude remarks and instead we are in each other arms, telling each other we love each other. The fact we lost each other and got back our life. How true is it? Are we really happy? I know I’m not. Why the truth that we solved things by practical means and not by how we felt in our hearts. The importance and status of that person in your life is however forgotten. The hate and urge to leave left another worthless for the other. Tears never flow and blood didn’t boiled but numbness just came without me knowing. Totally oblivious of the surrounding, day dreaming is all I’m doing now. Not practical at all I know. It’s better than mopping right? Contradiction. I’m not going have self pity which I will tear more. The right moment has passed
It’s only me and god in the faintly blue painted sky. Everything will be fine.
Amen
|...| 10:29 AM|
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